If Rest Feels Harder Than Work

It’s the start of a holiday weekend here in the U.S. ~ a time when we’re told to slow down, take it easy and enjoy a break.

But rest doesn’t always feel relaxing, does it?

Sometimes, the moment we stop, everything we've been holding rushes in.

For many of us, even well-meaning suggestions like “just breathe” or “try to relax” can land the wrong way ~ especially when our nervous system is perpetually on high alert.

One of the most vivid memories I have of this tension was when I lived at Tassajara ~ San Francisco Zen Center's monastery in the Ventana Wilderness Area near Big Sur.

Tassajara has hot springs, and I was working as the bathhouse attendant, which I loved. It gave me structure, purpose, and a clear role in the community.

But on my days off?

I would spiral.

Without work to focus on, I was just... alone with myself. And it got loud in there.

I’d start to feel like I didn’t belong.

Like if I wasn’t actively earning my place, I didn’t deserve to be there at all.

It sounds dramatic, but it felt real:

If I’m not working, I don’t matter.

If I’m not contributing, I’ll be kicked out of the universe.

We live in a culture that rewards nonstop doing and teaches us that rest is lazy or indulgent. That we're only safe if we're useful.

No wonder rest can feel so uncomfortable.

No wonder it stirs up fear instead of ease.

But the truth is ~ your worth doesn’t depend on your productivity.

You don’t have to earn your right to exist.

And rest isn’t something you have to master.

It’s something your nervous system already knows how to do ~ if it’s given the right care and support.

And yes ~ I still wrestle with the discomfort of rest sometimes. But now, I have tools. A journal. A practice. And a lot more compassion.