Go at Your Own Pace

Like I've been sharing for the past few weeks, if you're feeling topsy turvy, you're not the only one. It's the end of eclipse season, which tends to be a time of transitions seen and unseen; known and unknown.

As I was thinking about the intensity of eclipse season, I was also thinking about pacing. It's so important to go at your own pace, as much as possible, when navigating big changes. That also means being honest with yourself about what “your pace” is.

But during intense times, we're often in a more reactive state and just try to go at the fastest pace possible. And sometimes that's the nature of the situation: you simply have to act quickly.

That's not always true, though. And in reflecting on this idea of pacing, I was reminded of a time when I was on the verge of a major transition, and the way I figured out how to go at my own pace. I thought it might be helpful to hear the story.

This happened about 17 years ago, when I was a trainee therapist. Traineeships typically last three semesters, and I was about to begin my last one. My counseling center had a retreat at the start of the semester to welcome new trainees and to begin saying goodbye to senior trainees who would be moving on. Everyone attended.

At the end of that retreat, we sat in a goodbye circle so each last-semester person could share about their experience. As the others shared one by one, I felt an increasing tightness in my arms. I knew I had to say goodbye, but I had no idea what to say. I literally couldn't find the words.

On top of that tension, I also felt confused. It's usually not hard for me to find words. I was an English major in college, I worked as an editor for 12 years, I'm a therapist, a teacher ~ words are usually there when I need them. But that day, it felt like they were hiding.

Finally, everyone else had spoken and it was my turn.

All I knew was that I had a strange feeling in my arms and no words. And so I said, “I've been sitting here trying to find the words, and I don't know what to say.”

Therapists are notoriously good at tolerating silence and because I was in a yurt full of therapists, there was a lot of space to just be with whatever was happening.

We stayed quiet for a while, and then the words came out: “I guess the truest thing I can say is that I'm not ready to say goodbye.” I thought that more words might come out. But they didn't.

After a few moments, the director said, “Well, you don't have to say goodbye. You can stay another semester.”

Tears started streaming down my face. Once I heard those words and had that permission, I understood: I simply was not ready to go.

I was so used to pushing myself to do things at an “advanced” pace. It was healing to realize that instead of obeying that pressure, I could actually go slower than my peers and not be judged or feel ashamed. I could be “late” and “behind schedule.” I could take the time I actually needed.

So, I said, “Well, then I guess I'm staying.”

The yurt broke out in supportive giggles and someone said, “Yay!”

What a relief. Instead of pretending I was ready, I could do it my own way ~ and I could discover what that even was. I didn't have to rush to figure it out.

If you're in a transition and you don't quite know what to do, it can seem like so many things are urgent. But there might be more space than you think. Maybe you actually don't have to answer that email or text immediately. What if you sit with it for an hour or a day or even a week? It's possible that you can take your time and figure out what you want to do ~ one step at a time.

This retreat experience showed me that there's room for me to be me, and that means there's room for you to be you. The following poem speaks to this idea, too, and I want to share it today (if you don't relate to the word “God” you can swap in “The Universe” or “Love” or whatever word you like):

God Says Yes to Me

by Kaylin Haught

I asked God if it was okay to be melodramatic
and she said yes
I asked her if it was okay to be short
and she said it sure is
I asked her if I could wear nail polish
or not wear nail polish
and she said honey
she calls me that sometimes
she said you can do just exactly
what you want to
Thanks God I said
And is it even okay if I don't paragraph
my letters
Sweetcakes God said
who knows where she picked that up
what I'm telling you is
Yes Yes Yes

❤️

Those yeses bring tears to my eyes every time I read this poem ❤️

Wishing you many moments where you let yourself be you ❤️